One of our favorite authors, J.L. Bryan, has stopped by today!
As we mentioned back in January,
Jeff has been on tour in support of his
super-awesome, wicked scary book,
The Haunted E-Book.
You can read our review here
(where Pushy comes off as a wimp
and Heather is oh-so-coolly impressed).
But we know what you really want
is the latest hilarious installment
of Jeff’s blog tour posts!
So, without further ado, we’ll turn this post over to Mr. Bryan!
After talking with people about ghosts throughout the Haunted E-book Tour, I’ve picked up on a thing or two. One of them is that nobody seems to want to be haunted, or even to encounter ghosts at all. With that in mind, the Bewitched Bookworms and I are pleased to bring you this latest article from Ladies’ Haunted Home Journal…
Ghost- Proofing Your Home – Do’s & Don’ts
Are you haunted by concerns that your home may have a ghost? Worried about chains and moans and such in the attic? This simple checklist of do’s and don’ts will help keep your home free of paranormal pests!
WHEN SHOPPING FOR A HOME:
DO your research. Find out if there has ever been a burial mound, graveyard, prison, insane asylum, Chuck E. Cheese’s or other major source of potential horror on the site of your house. Forewarned is foreavoided!
DON’T buy a house where there has been a murder, murder-suicide or torture-murder-suicide. These kinds of events are like flypaper for ghosts—the ghosts stick and pile up in an ugly fashion, with their ghostly legs wriggling helplessly in the air. Try to find a house with happy memories. Huge mysterious bloodstains, as well as chalk outlines of bodies in the garage or basement, should raise red flags.
SOME STEPS FOR PREVENTION
DO nail an Amish hex sign to the front of your house, hang dreamcatchers in your larger windows, and sprinkle a little salt and holy water at your thresholds. Hang a NO SOLICITORS OR SPIRITS sign by your front door to make your position clear. This may have some effect on keeping away the ghosts of door-to-door salesmen. The only thing shadier is a live to door-to-door salesman, in this day and age. I mean, who does that?
DON’T rent your basement out to the neighborhood Satanic cult, no matter what kind of lease agreement they’re offering. Blood sacrifice and demon summoning are a definite no-no if you want your home ghost-free.
WHEN YOU HAVE A GHOST
Sounds like somebody ignored the earlier steps.
DO have a psychic or parapsychologist make contact with the ghosts in your home and encourage them to go into the light. We don’t know what the light is, but ghosts seem to vanish once they go into it, so it must be nice in there.
DON’T ask the ghost how you can make their stay more comfortable—this sends the wrong message entirely. If the ghost asks to possess your body, give a firm “no.” They may say they just want to eat one more bowl of ice cream or watch one more A-Team rerun before they pass on, but this is likely a ruse. They may go on a messy, bloody killing spree while in your body, and then who’s left with the big dry cleaning bill? Hint: Not the ghost.
If you follow these simple steps, they may have some effect on keeping your home ghost-free!
However, further steps can be taken to ghost-proof your home. In the comments below, you might share your helpful hints about ghost-proofing.
Commenting on this post within seven days enters you to win the Haunted E-book Tour Grand Prizes, including The Haunted Library, a Kindle 3 with WiFi, and a Kindle DX (one of those big fancy ones!).
Your comment also enters you to win a
***SPECIAL GIVEAWAY***
Which is a pair of paperbacks: The Haunted E-book and Jenny Pox. This is the first ever giveaway of a Jenny Pox paperback with the beautiful new cover by Phatpuppy Art! I’m happy to be able to offer this for the first time at Bewitched Bookworms, the blog where I am considered (very minor) royalty.
The paperback giveaway will follow the Bewitched Bookworms’ usual giveaway rules, whatever they are.
US/Canada only. Leave your email address in the comments to be entered.
Thanks for following the blog tour! And thanks to the Bewitched Bookworms for hosting the blog tour today! Especially Heather and Pushy, who assure me they would still like my books even if my mom stopped bribing them with cookies. But that’s just what my mom would tell them to say, isn’t it?
We do adore you and your books,
but let’s face it… the cookies don’t hurt! *wink*
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Great tips!! Thanks for another great post.
Vivien
deadtossedwaves at gmail dot com
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Very awesome! And holy cow, is that ever a huge giveaway for the Haunted Library stuff!
jazriyah@gmail.com
My recent post The cost of free
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Ha 🙂 Another cool post…though I don't know where you get the idea that people don't want to be haunted….I would love a screaming banshee to get everyone up in the morning, or a headless horseman to help me bake cookies 😀 ahah Love ya J.L. I've read everything else of yours so i think I'm going to buy Helix today
hense1kk@cmich.edu
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Ok so that is HILARIOUS!!
Disclamier: Don't read J.L's post while eating. 1.)My laptop almost got a Fruit Loops shower, 2.) Due to choking, in an attempt to save my lappy, I almost became one of the forementioned!
LOLZ
kaycee_robert@charter.net
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Actually, I am a bit dissapointed that the house we just bought isn't haunted…I thought it could be since we are near a Civil War battleground. As for ghost proofing, I have a sneaking suspision that our two pugs, Gus & Guapo, have scared away any possible ghosts or spirits. They are naughty, naughty pugs.
My recent post This is How I Relax
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Great tips for home buyers!
sgiden at verizon.net
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Ghosts can be tricky and they don't wear watches.
Here is a basic self defense tip that can help to keep many ghouls at a distance. If a ghost attempts to approach you for the time of day be sure to hold up a hand and in a firm voice say, "Stop, stay where you are, I'll tell you the time from here!"
Also beware of ghost offering candy or puppies.
Dan@storypoint.info
My recent post The Bible Experiment – Week Ten – Thursday
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Please enter me in contest. I would love to read these books. Tore923@aol.com
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I finished Haunted E-Book 5 nights ago and finally slept w/o the bathroom light on last night. It's probably the scariest book I've read since that part when they're going though the tunnel in Stephen Kings The Stand. Congratulations, J.L Bryan, you scared the hell out of me!!!
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pls enter me in this great giveaway.
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Oh yes please!
tiffanyniekro at gmail dot com
My recent post Id Know You Anywhere- by Laura Lippman
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I think Mr. Bryan should add a batch of cookies to the winnings! 🙂 I've found that baking in your kitchen makes ghost homesick or sad so they don't tend to stick around. I haven't bothered to follow one to see where they go, but I assume they go back to mama's house. Love Love Love your blog tour! misscrazej@gmail.com
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Too funny! Love the Ladies home journal article. Maybe you should really submit it at Halloween.
Heather
hrose2931(at)gmail(dot)com
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Very funny post! 😀
peacelily_2006(at)yahoo(dot)com
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Great tips. Thanks for sharing more useful information no one will ever use.
bacchus76 at myself dot com
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Thanks for the post! Really enjoyed reading it 🙂
chibipooh(at)gmail(dot)com
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I was reading a website about some things the Chinese do for protection. Here are my favorites:
1) Wear red underwear.
2) Wear a strand of forty-nine garlic bundles on your head.
3) Carry 36 pieces of glutinous rice.
4) Flush the toilet. This means to flush out any bad influences.
5) Don't pat your friends on the head or on the shoulder. A person has three fires to keep spirits away, two on the shoulder, one on the head. Putting it out means it's easier for spirits to enter them.
melanie.wiggins@gmail.com
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Right now I think I would rather have a ghost living in my basement then maybe my sone would move out. (kidding of course) But I have heard most ghost are fairly clean which is a far cry from my son! Thanks for the great post and a chance to enter. vonharzj@gmail.com
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Can I just call the Ghostbusters?
ishanella (at) gmail
My recent post Review- The Vespertine by Saundra Mitchell
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An online friend from goodReads wrote that she enjoyed "Jenny Pox", and then, added that author as a friend over there at ” target=”_blank”>http://www.goodreads.com/
I clicked on his name, and saw that I needed to post a comment to have a chance at a win!
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Wow! Amazon Vine reader-reviewers give that book, "Jenny Pox" a 4.4 Stars out a possible five stars from 35 reviewers ! Well-liked and well-thought of bookread !!
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